Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
