I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
