I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
