I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
