He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
