Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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