And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
