So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
