it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
