just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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