is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
