I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
