I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
