Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
