I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
