Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
