ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
