And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
