call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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