I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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