wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
