All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
