I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
