but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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