I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
