I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
