I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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