and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
