You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
