It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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