i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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