Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
