U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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