thus making me awesome and them whores
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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