From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
