Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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