his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.