i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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