Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.

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  (612): On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait. http://tfl.nu/48a7
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (1822)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I could make treat bags

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  (785): Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson. (785): I could make treat bags http://tfl.nu/dekx
  Replies (104) Good night (6323) Bad night (812)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.

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  (732): im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad. http://tfl.nu/jkuj
  Replies (9) Good night (825) Bad night (3891)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something

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  (708): its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something http://tfl.nu/mg8h
  Replies (35) Good night (5809) Bad night (1936)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.

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  (404): What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/w7nv
  Replies (18) Good night (4618) Bad night (1246)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him

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  (847): I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him http://tfl.nu/klkz
  Replies (12) Good night (1907) Bad night (3188)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Jesus...So southern.

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  (774): Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat. (401): Jesus...So southern. http://tfl.nu/htgy
  Replies (11) Good night (1498) Bad night (2836)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.

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  (561): I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree. http://tfl.nu/yxk6
  Replies (11) Good night (1546) Bad night (562)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.

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  (407): I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense. http://tfl.nu/ur01
  Replies (9) Good night (686) Bad night (1680)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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  (563): The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka. http://tfl.nu/9mlx
  Replies (6) Good night (629) Bad night (947)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Liz is crying about burritos again.

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  (443): Liz is crying about burritos again. http://tfl.nu/wqr3
  Replies (6) Good night (906) Bad night (508)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.

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  (416): arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house? (647): Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me. http://tfl.nu/yck0
  Replies (5) Good night (1948) Bad night (392)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.

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  (208): I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles. http://tfl.nu/64t5
  Replies (3) Good night (1730) Bad night (371)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.

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  (253): It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced. http://tfl.nu/oqhp
  Replies (1) Good night (285) Bad night (476)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.

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  (765): I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying. http://tfl.nu/f7nf
  Replies (3) Good night (720) Bad night (367)

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