Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
