just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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