just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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