Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
