were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
