I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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