is your mom at the bar?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
