I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
