The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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