He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
