So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
