just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need a burrito and a hug.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
