Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
