yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
