You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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