You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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