I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
