Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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