Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
