she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
