Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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