i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
