I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
