They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
